Writing tips to help your message stand out

In school we learned general grammar rules and writing principles. For our essays we were taught to include an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. For fiction we may have learned about character development, dialogue, and point of view. But teachers often neglected to delve into the mechanics of writing. Written communication is as important as ever and following a few simple rules will lead to a more concise, clear, and cohesive message.

These tips apply to all writing styles, from web content to business reporting (even emails) to fiction:

1) Use active rather than passive language

The meeting was being chaired (passive) by the marketing director. Instead write: The marketing director chaired (active) the meeting.

2) Use strong verbs rather than an adverb with a weak verb

When she realized she was late for the meeting, she ran quickly to the boardroom. Instead write: When she realized she was late for the meeting, she bolted to the boardroom.

3) Use one strong adjective rather than two adjectives with similar meanings

The shy and quiet trainee gave an interesting and thoughtful presentation. Instead write: The introverted trainee gave a compelling presentation.

4) Avoid unnecessary repetition

Don’t hit the reader on the head with your point.

Times are tough; we are all reeling from this economic slump. If only we weren’t in this crippling recession we’d be able to hire more people.

5) Use simple, straightforward language

The best way to lose your reader is to over-complicate the message:

Due to unforeseen budgetary circumstances, ABC Ltd. will not have the resources to continue implementing the advertising schedule, which was previously determined by the communications committee (too wordy).

Instead write: Due to budgetary constraints, ABC Ltd. has revised its advertising schedule. (simple and to the point)

6) Vary your sentence structure (and rhythm)

I had my performance review. My boss said I was brilliant. He gave me a raise and a promotion. I celebrated with my friends (monotonous).

Instead write: At my performance review, my boss said I was brilliant. I celebrated my raise and my promotion with my friends.

7) Don’t use clichés; they give the impression that the writer has no imagination.

The sales team gave their competitors a run for their money in landing the account, and the effort paid off in spades.

Instead you could write: The sales team competed vigorously to land the account and the effort was well rewarded.

A Christmas Wonder

Almost two thousand years ago, a remarkable child was born. But even before he was born, his mother was told by a heavenly visitor that her son wasn’t going to be a normal human being—he would be the son of God. There were supernatural signs surrounding his birth and as a child, he showed himself to be a prodigy. In later years he performed miracles to demonstrate that he wasn’t a mere mortal and his followers believed him to be divine. He healed the sick, cast out demons, and raised the dead. Eventually, his enemies tried him before the Roman authorities because of his subversive ideas. Some people claimed to have seen him alive after he’d ascended to Heaven, and this convinced them that there was life after death. Some of his followers went on to write books about him.

His name was Apollonius of Tyrana.

Professor Bart D. Erhman, New Testament Scholar, and head of Religious Studies at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, teaches about this pagan philosopher—a worshiper of the Greek gods. Apollonius and Jesus lived during the 1st century of the Common Era, each having followers who thought the other was a hoax. As strange as such events sound to us today, people in the ancient world were familiar with stories about divine men who had a connection with the divine realm.

Tom Harpur, theologian and former religion editor of The Toronto Star, has a radical take on the subject in his controversial book The Pagan Christ. He claims there was no such historical figure as Jesus Christ and that his entire existence is a fabrication, based on Egyptian mythology. Harpur writes, “The compilers of the New Testament missed the point entirely that the whole thing was meant allegorically.” He goes on to say, “What all of this means is that the manger of the Christmas story existed in Egyptian mythology as the birthplace of the messiah, or anointed one.”

How do these insights affect people’s beliefs about the birth of Jesus?

Harvard graduate, Christian author and pastor, Dr. Mark D. Roberts, says in his blog series The Birth of Jesus: Hype or History?, “If I didn’t think this really happened, if I thought that the early Christians invented this crazy idea, then I wouldn’t be able to preach the good news on Christmas Eve, or at any other time either.” He continues, “This isn’t just a nice story made up by some creative early Christians. It’s the true story of what God has actually done “for us and our salvation.”

There are over a billion Christians in the world today, many who believe in the literal virgin birth along with the angels, the wise men, and the star of Bethlehem. Every Christmas the Nativity story is presented in all its glory at church pageants and on stages like Radio City, where live animals feed into the spectacle. Priests and Ministers preach about the birth of Jesus, often conflating the accounts of the Gospels, which tell different and sometimes conflicting versions of the story.

The former Prime Minister of Britain and devout Catholic, Tony Blair, recently debated the prominent atheist Christopher Hitchens in Toronto about whether religion is good for society. Tony Blair claims religion inspires people to do good. Hitchens says it’s all bunk and very destructive (but he does have a Christmas tree in his home).

Whichever way we look at it, we cannot deny that Christianity has influenced Western Civilization more than any other religious or political institution in the world. Whether we believe that an anointed child was born in a stable that day, or that the seed of a new religion was planted around that time, we cannot avoid the message that the Christmas season brings—peace, love and goodwill to all.

Kindles for Kids: will they read more?

Some kids love to read. Some kids hate it. My two teenage sons fall somewhere in between. Electronics, on the other hand, engage them more than a book ever could.

Give them the internet, their iPods, and video games, and they are as alert as a hungry fox eyeing its prey, but give them a novel, especially one that’s been assigned to them at school, and they suddenly become weary like they’ve just had a long, hard day.

The fact is boys are generally less avid readers than girls, particularly when it comes to literature. This is not a good thing and it definitely will not help them get into university or college.

According to a study on Canadian Adolescent Boys and Literacy “Boys are often disadvantaged in academic literacy as a result of current curricular emphases, teacher text and topic choices, and lack of availability and acceptability of texts that match their interests...they don’t like to read, some don’t read very well, and a growing percentage of boys are “failing” at school.”

How can educators and parents encourage boys to read more books? Providing them with more gender appropriate choices definitely helps as does letting them make their own selections.

But will boys go to the library or a book store and sift through various titles before they find one that appeals to them? Not likely. Would they peruse the choices available on an electronic reader? Much more likely, I think. Many of the books are free and some new titles cost less than $5.

Not everyone can afford an eReader. And I’m sure it would not be at the top of a teenager’s Christmas wish list. Considering how quick parents are to fork out Christmas funds on other electronic gadgets and video games (the new Call of Duty game for Xbox costs over $70, including tax), would it not be expedient for them to make the extra $70 investment in a device that might inspire reading rather than raging in a war game?

Some people may not agree. The novelty will wear off and the teen will end up losing it, misplacing it, or breaking it, objectors might say. But cell phones and iPods are more likely to meet such a fate.

A skeptic could also argue that kids who don’t read books will not start to read now simply because they have a new way to do it. I’d argue that with over 750,000 books in the electronic library, even a stubborn non-reading teenage boy would find something of interest.

Almost everyone would prefer to have an iPad. You can download books as well as use the internet, watch YouTube videos, TV shows, and podcasts. Given a choice between the various applications, we can guess where a boy’s attention would be directed. And the price—almost $800 can be a deterrent in itself.

Back to the eReader. The price of the Amazon Kindle has already come down from last year’s US $189 to $139 while its Canadian counterpart, the Kobo, sells for CAN $149. The Sony Pocket Reader, another alternative, but more pricey, costs CAN $179.

I asked two of my fourteen-year-old's friends when they last read a book outside of school. One said a few years ago, the other said in the summer. (To be fair, they were all playing scrabble when I asked them this.) Would they read more if they had an electronic reader? They both said yes...they think so.

Teachers may be restricted by the curriculum, but if parents are pro-active and make reading choices more accessible to their kids, perhaps it will show up in the grades. And who knows, before long, we may see eReaders in the classroom (with text books costing $100 each, the thought is not a huge stretch).

If it takes a Kindle to kindle an interest in reading, I say, forget those video games or latest gadgets and invest in an eReader for your son. By the way, I’m sure the girls would be happy to receive one too.

In Conversation with Maurizio Bevilacqua

Maurizio Bevilacqua, the new mayor of Vaughan, has big plans for his city. With 64% of the vote in October’s municipal election, his constituents have given him their blessing to take the reins and make things happen. Situated just north of Toronto, Vaughan is one of the fastest growing communities in Canada.

Mr. Bevilacqua brings 22 years of federal political experience to the table including several cabinet posts, and he is no stranger to landslide victories. Now 50, he’s gathered plenty of tools throughout his career to help him build the city he envisions.

“Politics is my calling,” Mr. Bevilacqua says. “It’s a people business. Whether I’m working as an MP or mayor, everything is transferable...you are a manifestation of all the experiences that you’ve had, negative or positive.” Whether he’s bringing experiences from the soccer field or from the federal cabinet, he intends to use all that he’s accumulated in his new role. “People are the same wherever you go, they are just motivated by different goals and objectives. In city building, you bring in the collective, you analyze what they need to do, and then you drive it hard.”

Why leave a successful federal path to manage a city with a population of about 280,000? “To go to the place where my skills would better represent the people that I serve,” Mr. Bevilacqua says. “There was a need in the city of Vaughan for new leadership—there was a void in leadership—and I felt I could fill that void given my experience.” He believes that people feel closer to the mayor than to their Member of Parliament, who sits in Ottawa and deals with issues that may not directly relate to their constituents.

Another factor that influenced Mr. Bevilacqua’s decision to run for mayor is the declining role of the federal government versus the cities. With greater decision making authority having been passed on to the provinces in recent years, an MP does not have as much control over the future of their constituency as in the past. But the mayor has increasing influence over everyday life and Mr. Bevilacqua’s role will be “more proactive”; for example, getting transit into the city, bringing in new business, creating jobs, and building infrastructure.

“Cities have become more and more important to regional economies,” he says, and he wants to exercise a role in the greater Toronto area. The city of Vaughan is his priority, but he also intends to establish the GTA as a very important regional economy in the North American context.

Mr. Bevilacqua thinks that the strengths of Vaughan have been overshadowed by the allegations of corruption and infighting, and it is now time to highlight all the good things about the city. For example, Vaughan is ten minutes away from the international gateway (Pearson Int’l Airport), it has a strong manufacturing base, the population is highly educated—well above the provincial average, it is an affluent and generous community, there is a high level of employment, it has one of the highest reserves per capita in the province, and the standard of living and quality of life are phenomenal. According to Mr. Bevilacqua, most Torontonians know little about Vaughan, and what they do perceive is unfavourable due to the negative distortions reported by the media.

One of his main priorities is to show the world what Vaughan is all about and to get rid of the negative preconceptions. He is on a mission to rebrand and to create a world class city. By 2031 the population is expected to have grown beyond 400,000 and he sees the goal of bringing Vaughan to a world class level as “the ultimate reality.”

What does this mean? He says there are three realities in life: a distorted reality, an objective reality, and an ultimate reality. “A distorted reality about the city of Vaughan is that it is ‘a city above the law’; the objective reality would be that there are newspaper articles that actually indicate that and endorse that; my ultimate reality is that the city can become a beacon of character and integrity. In my first term, if I can transform the image of the city within Canada, first and foremost, then I’ve done a great job for the people.” He will start by delivering his state of the city address to Toronto. “You’ve gotta go where you want to change the image,” he says.

As far as leadership goes, Mr. Bevilacqua plans to bring positive energy to his new role. In his campaign he did not resort to attacks on his opponents, which is why he thinks he won by such a landslide. He refused to talk about what went wrong with the city in the past and he never attacked a single candidate. “There are certain universal laws that are eternal truths,” he says. “Human decency will always be repaid. The energy you emit is the energy you get back.”

Mr. Bevilacqua brings a different tone and a different approach to council and though he recognizes that he can’t change the culture overnight, he is up for the challenge.

Stopping that Gravy Train Might Not be so Easy

What did he say? “We have to stop the gravy train?” Or was it, “We have to stock the gravy train?” Rob Ford uttered those words so many times over these past months that sometimes they sounded blurred. But he had one message throughout his campaign for mayor and he stuck to it: “End the wasteful spending, lose the perks, cut the taxes.”

If he isn’t careful, he’ll end up “stocking” the train rather than “stopping” it. And if he doesn’t deliver early on, he won’t be back after four years. “The party with taxpayers money is over, ladies and gentleman,” Ford declared during his victory speech. “We will stop the gravy train once and for all! We are going to get the city back on its financial feet.”

There is no end to the clichés; the words spill out of his mouth like a song he can’t stop singing.

61% of the Toronto voting population came out to vote on October 25th—the largest turnout the city has ever seen. And with over 50% of the vote (he was declared mayor ten minutes after the polls closed), Ford has a clear mandate to put his plan into action. But first he has to make some friends on council. He may have a few already, but he’ll have to scratch a lot more backs if he wants them to jump on his bandwagon. Let the politicking begin!

Forty-four councillors with forty-four different platforms. These leaders may have some concern for city-wide mandates but, at the end of the day, they are there for their own ward, and that’s who they’ll be fighting for. As respected Toronto businessman and former candidate John Tory said, “Rob Ford has his work cut out for him to get his agenda implemented. He has the pulpit, but not necessarily the power.” Tory’s advice: “Do a careful excavation and build on strength as opposed to cutting things down.”

Spending cuts sounds great in theory, but two billion is a lot of cash. Adam Vaughan, city councillor for Ward 20 Trinity-Spadina, said, “If Ford chokes growth there will be adverse consequences. You need to make big changes to come up with that kind of money.”

The unions may create further roadblocks. Ford says he’ll negotiate in good faith with them, but he is going to open the gates to full, transparent competition. They didn’t like him to begin with so it will be interesting to see how this not-so-warm-and-fuzzy relationship unfolds. Both sides will have to move their backs away from the wall if there is any chance of conciliation.

After Ford’s win, unions like the The Central Ontario Building Trades, representing over 60,000 Toronto construction workers, are reeling. Six days before the election they threw their support behind Smitherman (abandoning Pantalone because his chances of winning were near impossible), but to no avail. They were Miller supporters all the way and doing battle with their nemesis will likely end in deadlock.

Ford’s message was clear, concise, and well-communicated. But sounding good isn’t the panacea to Toronto’s problems. Now that he has jumped on the tracks, we’ll be watching to see if he has the ability to slow the train down let alone stop it.

Highway to a Heart Attack

Weary, stressed, and often late. This is the common plight of Toronto drivers. Contending with multiple routes disrupted by construction, or roads closed because of events such as parades and marathons, motorists are losing their patience and clamouring for action—before a heart attack happens at the wheel. Make sure you have your health card handy in case you need to make a detour to the hospital.

What to do? Call a city councillor, elect a new mayor? The mismanaged roads in Toronto are a travesty. We think of ourselves as a world class city, but our road infrastructure is about as leading edge as our dysfunctional subway system. As I write this, my husband is trapped on the Gardiner once again, inching his way home after a twelve-hour work day. He called an hour and a half ago to say he was en route; the drive should have taken thirty minutes from downtown to our west end home—I’m keeping his chicken warm, but maybe he’ll be too stressed too eat it.

My husband could have taken the subway to work instead this morning, but since it broke down yesterday, he thought he’d take the car. Seems that the better way is just as bad. But the TTC is a whole other story.

How long can this go on? People’s lives are being impacted adversely almost every time they commute. A half-hour drive should not turn into a ninety minute road trip each time we travel in and out of the city. The Jameson bridge midway across the Gardiner has been under construction since the spring of 2010 and will not be ready until the fall of 2011. The closed exit and the reduced lanes are the source of constant gridlock. Funny that whenever I pass the site, the workers are nowhere in sight; maybe they’re busy fixing the subway.

Driving-induced stress is no small concern. I’d like to see a study on how many accidents occur because of highway construction and reduced lanes. I’d like to know how many people have heart attacks or strokes or anxiety attacks because of the increased stress caused by traffic congestion. Studies show that our blood pressure goes up while we’re stuck in traffic. What is the impact on healthcare costs? And how many working hours are wasted while trying to get to our jobs.

Sure, the city needs to maintain roads and highways, and to allow for recreational activities like marathons, but perhaps it’s time to review the pitfalls and benefits of how these things are implemented in our city. Does one section of a major highway really require eighteen months to be repaired? Must we use downtown streets for marathons? Do two important highways need to be closed at the same time?

Play some music and relax while you’re stuck in traffic, a therapist recommends. Think of something positive; imagine yourself on the beach. Make eye contact with other drivers and smile, a well-intended website suggests.

Solid solutions are not straightforward. They require consultation, collaboration and communication—and perhaps a municipal shake-up. For now, how about investing in more expedient highway repairs, which can only help the economy through increased employment and ultimately, a more productive workforce. And as far as road closures are concerned, a little planning goes a long way. Shutting down two major thoroughfares on one busy Saturday does not make sense. Let’s get all our ducks lined up and figure out a plan.

This city tries to heal and repair our traffic problems with Band-Aids and knee-jerk fixes rather than make the investment and perform the crucial surgery that’s required. But the Band-Aids keep falling off and the operating costs become greater as the injuries get worse. In the meantime, drivers are at risk of becoming road-weary and sick. As the city population continues to grow and our citizens continue to age and rage, we’ll need more than a few Band-Aids to keep our roads and our drivers from breaking down altogether.

A New York Jaunt, an Intriguing New Film

My friend Trish and I flew to New York City last weekend to attend the feature film premiere of my actor cousin and her writer/director husband’s debut movie, JIM. I’d heard about this work in progress during intermittent visits over the past several years and was always intrigued by the latest developments. I recall our conversations about the screenplay as it was being written, the production plans, and the film shoots, which took place in St. Louis, New Jersey and NYC. Produced by the husband and wife team Jeremy and Vanessa Morris-Burke, the indie sci-fi film drew a large crowd on its opening night.

Jeremy Morris-Burke, who wrote and directed the movie, is a talented and tenacious entrepreneurial type, with a diverse theatre background and a highly creative imagination. Once he had the story in mind, there was no stopping him. My cousin, Vanessa Morris-Burke, is a New York stage actor who has performed in various productions and has worked as a theatre producer.

Playing the cancer-stricken wife of the soon-to-be widowed Jim, Vanessa takes the audience on an emotional roller coaster ride. We’re devastated by her prognosis, encouraged by her near-recovery and then bludgeoned by her sudden demise. Her dying scene is so authentic that her mother (the executive producer of the film) cries every time she watches that scene. A review in the New York Times noted that Vanessa’s work “stands out” in the film.

Notwithstanding my 'cousin' status, I was immensely proud watching Vanessa's dramatic performance. My friend Trish, perhaps a less biased critic because she’d never met Vanessa before, was equally impressed. The lead actor, Dan Illian, also making his film debut, came across a seasoned screen actor, immediately drawing us into his character’s miserable plight. The rest of the acting, the music composition, the special effects, the filming and editing, all came together in a seamless way, engaging the packed theatre for the full hour and forty minute duration.

After the movie was over, we were treated to a Q & A session, where the producers and some of the cast and crew provided insights about the making of the movie. When Jeremy was asked, “What’s next?” he said he needed to focus on the film’s distribution and then take a breather, but I got the feeling from talking to him later that he’s also itching to move on to his next project.

Here’s the plot as described on the film’s website http://www.jimthefilm.com/:

‘Jim’ is a new science fiction drama that juxtaposes a seemingly inevitable near-future of genetic commercialism against a distant post-human dystopia. A desperate, unemployed widower seeks to salvage his legacy by hiring Lorigen, a biotech firm specializing in genetic wares, to create an enhanced child in memory of his wife. Meanwhile, a corrupt industrialist presides over a dead planet awash in genetic inferiority. Nature intervenes and these two worlds converge through an impossible shared dream which will make or break humanity for the long haul…

The film offers a powerful vision of the difficult choices that advancements in science and technology will be forcing people to make in the not so distant future.

Click on the above website if you’d like to see the trailer and if you want to learn more about the movie and the people behind its creation.

As a writer, I know how difficult it is to make headway in the cash-strapped, competitive, ever-struggling world of ‘the arts’; it often takes years of doggedness to finish a project and then additional years of tough slugging to get your work out into the marketplace. You also need really thick skin to withstand the slings and arrows of rejection and criticism. To put things in perspective, Stephen King wrote five novels before he finally got published (Carrie was his break-out novel).

My hat goes off to Jeremy and Vanessa, the production team, and all the cast and crew who joined forces in making this movie a reality. JIM just may be the precursor of the blockbuster waiting to emerge. The Village Voice, the first and largest alternative newsweekly in the U.S., says, “His (Morris-Burke’s) technical virtuosity and thematic ambition mark him as a filmmaker of promise.”

What a thrill to partake in this occasion and to experience the palpable excitement surrounding the opening of a new film. If you happen to be in LA this week, or in any of the places where the film will be playing in the next few months (see the website calendar), be sure to check it out. You will see a mass of young talent who are sure to reappear in other great projects down the road.

JIM is playing an extended run at the Quad Cinema in Greenwich Village until Oct. 21.